i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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