i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
