im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It's rum buckets o'clock
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Randomize