i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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