bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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