The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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