3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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