A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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