I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
