Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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