I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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