You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
