like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
