Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
