This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
