Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
