Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
