I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
