So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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