Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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