I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
