Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
