I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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