drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
