She announced her abortion via fbk
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'd cum for enchiladas.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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