Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize