I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
