i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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