I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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