He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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