the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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