i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
