absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
she woke up with a sticky ear
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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