i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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