i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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