bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
