Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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