If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
