We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
