I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
