Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
