I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
