actually, I'm a sock model
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
