I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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