I like to think it a success when the cops are called
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
