she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
