i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
