I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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