I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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