Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
