Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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