Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
