So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
