I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
