Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
