We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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