Just cropdusted the office
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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