I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
