so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
