If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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