i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
