i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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