Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
