oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
