Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He passed out mid-signature
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
