Pregnant stripper...not hot.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
