Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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