Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
