the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
