I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
