I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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