he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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