Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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