why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
