He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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